DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
