I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
