I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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