i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize