Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
