Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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