Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
