And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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