this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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