you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
