I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
