A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
