I faked an abortion last night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
