your parents love me but you hate me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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