If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
