what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
