ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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