She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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