xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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