The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
