dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
