This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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