I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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