STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
