You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
