He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize