u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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