You can't special order awesome
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
