They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize