P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize