there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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