I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
