it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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