do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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