Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
