Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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