They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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