I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
