According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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