if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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