god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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