Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
