is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
