Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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