I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So vagazzling was a success
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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