I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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