So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
