his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
