she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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