"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
