Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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