I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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