I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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