Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
