Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
