do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
