the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
