I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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