dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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