I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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