some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
