Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
