I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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