'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
