I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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