remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
