No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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