My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
