how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
