Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
