Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
