i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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