i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize